How I went from being an “empath pleaser” to feeling confident in my roles as a mother, entrepreneur, and community leader.
It took me until I was about forty years old to realize I’ve spent a lot of my time doing what other people want. Listening to other’s needs isn’t a bad thing, but as I’ve learned to listen to my intuition, develop my voice and acknowledge my needs, I have become more confident and peaceful. Now, instead of wondering what everyone else is doing in their roles, I focus on doing my best, every day.
IT WASN’T EASY AT FIRST
By the time I was twenty-two, I had been married, had two children, became a step-mother, received custody of our niece, and lost our landscaping business after my husband, Jon received a miss-filled prescription. Through these experiences, we gained a great appreciation of community and the resources we need to survive. Because of amazing people and services, we made it through this challenging time.
WHAT YOU FOCUS ON GROWS
Now, our family consists of six daughters, one adopted son, and four grandkids. I love seeing each of our kids develop and their unique strengths, and find their path. I have learned so much from them and they are the reason Jon and I work hard each day.
Over the years, Jon and I have learned from our business adventures. We purchased RBM Building Maintenance in 2004 and it is currently the largest family-owned building maintenance company in the Intermountain West. It has tracked 20% growth every year, and in 2020, RBM was ranked in the Inc 5004 91% growth rate over a three-year period of time. This success has come from our entire work family, who are the most amazing people I’ve ever met.
As I have aged, I have gained an appreciation of my physical, emotional and spiritual body. I want to help my daughters feel more confident and practice self-care, because I believe it will help them to feel peace and joy. In fact, I study Sports and Performance Psychologist because I think as we develop as a young girl into a mature woman, we need these tools just as much (or more) than football, superstar. Finding harmony as a busy woman is no small task!
I have become increasingly interested in studying self-efficacy and free agency. I want to use my energy to choose instead of waiting for life to decide for me. When I was forty, I returned to school and received my degree in Integrated Studies, studying Leadership and Psychology. I graduated and started a Master’s program in Intuitive Living in the Spring of 2020, and started a Master’s program in Performance Psychology in the fall. In December, I certified as a StrengthsFinder coach, and in February 2021, I started my certification as a NeuroLeadership Brain-Based coach. I will finish this Spring!
I WASN’T ALONE As I have been focusing on my family, my education, supporting our family business, I have realized that life can feel lonely, even when we are surrounded by people. We have to choose to listen to our goals and manifest what we want our lives to look like. Nobody else can do this for us.
During 2020, I watched the world, including our own family, struggle with the changes. Businesses, including our own, were threatened, mental health quickly declined, and the stress of homeschooling, rising debt, and isolation had an enormous toll on everyone. A lot of people also experienced more time with their families and gained clarity about what is important to them. Personally, it reset my thoughts on how I want to use my time.
I used to think I would serve in the community when I became successful. Now I realize that I found success by serving. I learned this because I needed help, myself. And so, for many years now, I have chosen to be a family advocate and a community organizer. I have been the chair of United Way of Utah County, I’m currently the Chair of the Utah County Chamber of Commerce, and I have served on other boards to “give back”.
Although I will not finish my Masters until the end of this year, I have the experience and tools to begin giving back now. I started an L3C called Humans Driving Change to offer curriculum, training, coaching, and tools. I am hopeful that as I help others recognize their strengths, they will find greater self-confidence and joy.