Jordan is not stressing out about being quarantined. He hasn’t complained once that he can’t see his friends. He doesn’t mind eating PB&J’s every day or playing video games. He isn’t sad to miss traditional school or to experience online learning.
But he is definitely happy to dress in his RBM work clothes and be around all of his favorite people. Last week he said, “Mama, I’m so excited that I get to run to see you every time I have a ‘recess’ break! This has been awesome!” I have to remind myself of Jordan’s absolute contentment when my frustration with the unknown becomes too much.
And for those of you counting, and just getting to know my family, I have six daughters, in addition to our little man pictured above. Sydney, Kinley, and Whitney all moved out years ago, but they have definitely been part of the Moss-crazy-chaos! Actually, I love it. It has been really hard watching them all leave my home, because they are my “people,” and I wouldn’t choose anyone else on the planet to be with during this difficult time.
In addition, Sydney’s whole family, and her two dogs, have been staying with us. This wasn’t their original plan, but when California placed a “shelter in place” order, she and Briant decided to load up their trailer and come home to Utah. They camped at the Little Sahara sand dunes for awhile, before they were ordered to leave the BLM land.
Anyway, long story short, I have six kids, one son in law, three grand-young-uns, and five dogs in my home. We are quarantined with 13 people, to be exact, and six kids are being homeschooled here.
I LOVE it, but I also wish I could fully be enjoying it. I go through waves of utter JOY and then the stress comes crashing into my brain. My emotions are definitely all over the place.
There are situations I can control and strategize for, and there are other obstacles that simply must run their course. I remember when I was first married and went through the process of losing our business. I used to love to write in my journal, ever since I was a young kid, but when it all started getting really hard, I stopped. It was just too painful to see my current situation and fears glaring at me in my handwriting on the paper in front of me. I couldn’t stand the thought of people flipping through the pages of my pain for years to come. I questioned why anyone would actually want to read the horrors of my current situation.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. I would give anything now to have my old journal thoughts readily available, and so this time I will write for others it. may help, or for myself to read later on when these new experiences have faded into old photographs and stories to be retold with less and less detail as time goes on.
Jon and I are, once again, facing a crisis in our company, but I refuse to let this fact take over every aspect of my life. I am choosing to dance, sing, draw, and watch shows with my kids. I am reading, cooking, and going for walks with my kids and dogs. I’ve also had my family help work on our twelve easily accessible backpacks full of disaster supplies, and organize our freshly stocked-up food storage room. It is important to me to be honest and open with them, without overwhelming them with a level of stress they cannot process.
There are also times when it all becomes too much, and I need to find a quiet place to retreat. The first few weeks in quarantine were new and, well, exciting? But now we have settled into our new normal, and that it is when I’m finding that I need to try my best to keep going strong.
It has been increasingly hard to sleep, especially because Jon and I are both tossing and turning, our minds consumed with hard decisions, strategies to stay alive, hopeful thoughts of possibilities to come, and a clear recollection of how it feels to go down hard. Because of our industry, we have the news on way too much, but we have to stay on top of the new announcements that are coming out every hour.
Most importantly, I am reminding myself about the power of choosing to reset after each hard day. I plan to be an example to my family of resilience while facing challenges, by seeking peace and happiness, even through pain — and moving on when we let each other down in such tight quarters.
We will become stronger because of this experience. If we choose to. And when people read the stories of how the world waged war against COVID-19, we will celebrate our triumphs and sorrows, and the growth we’ve shared. And in the end, isn’t this what life is all about anyway? I believe it is.
Such a beautiful clan and to see your resilience and feel it through your writing. Love your blog and I’m so glad you’re doing this especially right now to document this amazing ride we’re all on..and the ups and the downs of it .. I just love you!!!