What makes you happy? Have you ever stopped to really think about it? I know it’s easy to list off this obvious things that stand out to us, but have you ever been deliberate in writting a list? Lots of people have asked me how I keep positive, even when life gets crazy. Sometimes, I am better at it than others, but it’s always worth it to try.
About ten years ago, I decided that I needed to keep my “happy list” by my bed. I sat down and reflected on the things that always brought a smile to my face, and wrote them down. I figured that this way, I could have a quick reference to stare at when I would rather lay in bed than face the world. Sometimes, it took only implementing one of the items into my day, and other times I was pulling out every quiver in the pack. And OTHER times, it was hopeless – and I needed to accept that fact that I was really struggling – and that was okay.
I have realized in my thirties, that it’s okay to have bad days. I am a people pleaser by nature, wanting everyone to get along, and always be happy. This can be a very miserable place to be, because everyone is not always going to be happy, and that could potentially always make me unhappy. Or lets just say that it has happened, at some points, or a lot of points. There, I said it.
I remember the time when I went to a counselor with Jon and Sydney. She was struggling at the time, and we were trying to help and understand her. The weird old guy told me to basically stand back, and stop trying to get into Jon and Sydney’s relationship to help them understand eachother. I was so hurt and offended that he saw my good intentions as harmful. I cried, feeling so frustrated because of the feeling that somehow I was making things worse, when all wanted to do was help and foster happiness . Eventually, I got it. They had their journey to travel, and if they needed to be mad at eachother and lack in their communication, I just needed to let them be there. It would be the only way they could learn to work together. So, reluctantly, I pulled back. Not because I didn’t trust them, but because I was worried they would drive eachother away – and maybe they did for awhile – but now they understand eachother so much better.
You see, once again, I learned that you have to let yourself feel sadness and pain sometimes, in order to be happy. I am really good at pushing hard emotions aside, but when I do that, I am covering up thoughts that can actually spur good things into action. I think the key is to let ourselves be vulnerable and upset if we need to be, but then being conscious about putting things into our life that brings a smile to our face. Feeling sadness and pain helps us understand and enjoy our happiness better.
So there you have it, my random message on being happier through letting yourself feel pain – but choosing to move through it to greater happiness. Did any of this make sense? I am just starting to write on my blog more, and all of these thoughts have been jumbled in my head for so long. Things I think I need to work through myself, and writing always helps me to do that.