Some people say that getting a hysterectomy makes them feel like less of a woman, somehow.
I’m not sure I agree. I can see how this would be very emotional for a woman that wasn’t able to have children, that wanted to – and possibly other reasons I’m not considering – but for me, it’s different. I have lived with my uterus being front and center in my life, physically and mentally, for the past seventeen years. That organ, that nasty looking organ, has breathed life into five babies.
Really, it is miraculous if you think about it. The human body is a gift, a magical wonderful blessing that we all get to experience. I am very grateful for the chance to have been pregnant, and to feel life grow within me. There are no words to explain this feeling. It is for this reason, women everywhere sit around and talk about being dilated, or the way they chose to give birth, and the name of the child they will bare. These are the only words we are given to try and express the life growing within us. How else do you describe a human moving around and bumping organs? How do you capture the feeling and reality of eternity all wrapped up under your maternity clothes?
No, I don’t feel like less of a woman, I feel like more. I feel extremely excited about the promise of being period-less. Especially after my journey the past few years. I bled once for a year straight. A year. I’ve done my time, people. And we aren’t talking about spotting, we are talking about bleeding through everything, no matter what, always.
Truth is, my uterus was tired, and can you blame it? The doctor actually told Jon that my uterus was “very large”. I’ll have to follow up with him on that account at my six week visit, because I’m kind of disgusted by the imagery. I can’t imagine my uterus being small after it’s journey. I had polyps throughout my uterus causing very heavy bleeding. The doctor says that these are “benign growths” but I don’t like hearing the word benign in any sense of my body. It was time to retire Polly, Yes, I think she needs a name. It will be Polly, for polyps.
Polly and I have been through a lot together. And, I am still a woman. I am a mother, a wife, and I’ll still be sexy and fun. I plan on giving all of my energy to the seven kids that I have, and if my calculations are correct, I will have somewhere around 28 grandkids someday. Seriously, if you take 7 kids and times them by the average family of 4 (in Utah anyway) I’ll have 28! I will make cookies, and forts, and drive them places on special grandma outings – someday. I will indeed, still be a woman.
Somehow, having my hysterectomy is a bit symbolic to me. Last week I sent my oldest to her senior year of high
school, and my youngest, to all day kindergarten. I dreamed of this day
forever – and now it’s here. The days are slow, and the
years fast. I’m looking forward to the next phase of life, but wouldn’t
trade the past 20 for anything. The sleepless nights, years of laughs,
and chapters written, have been beautiful.
I remember my dad and mom, asking to freeze time when they got to the
point I’m at right now. I see how time just kept getting faster, and
bigger, and then as the family grew, there were more to love and care
for. I’m grateful that although time is fleeting, it is expansive and it
builds as we gather loved ones along the way. After all, that’s why we
are here on earth. It’s the greatest adventure imaginable.