Meet Bobbie, (long for Bo Peep). She was my version of the Velveteen Rabbit. My mom made her, every last stitch. As you can see, from the wear and tear, I loved her.
I can’t help but wonder, as I look into her big, black, button eyes, if she remembered me as I pulled her out of that old toy box at my parents house last summer. After all, she was there with me as I ran through the trees, and played “Little House on the Prairie”. I’m quite sure we shared snacks on my red and white checkered blanket, under the friendly sun. She was my play mate, seeing as I lived miles away from any other girl my age. We weren’t completely separated from society, but in my 8 year old body, 2 miles up a dirt canyon road, may have well been 200.
I remember sharing my dreams with Bobbie. I told her that I wanted to be smart, beautiful, kind, understanding, peaceful, happy, and a loving mother. I whispered in her ear of my plans to be a marine biologist, dancer, pianist, seamstress, and a violinist. I promised her I’d play with my children, and read them stories. I loved to smooth out Bobbie’s dress, and tell her how beautiful she was. I told her the fun times I would have braiding my daughter’s hair, and making their clothes. I was sure to be married to a man that looked just like my Ken doll, and we would live in a house in the forest – just as I did with my family.
I can’t imagine her surprise, when she was yanked out of my parents basement, and into my thirty-five year old arms. We both looked a bit worse for the wear, and now five daughter’s and one adopted son stare back into her face, and make remarks of the stuffing popping through her pink felt cheeks.
Don’t they realize, Bobbie and I are almost the same age? We went through a lot together, we even dreamed of them together. I wish I could rewind the movie of my life, and listen to the stories I shared with Bobbie. I wonder what thoughts she has locked up under that yellow yarn hair. “Have I accomplished all I set out to do?” I wish to ask… “Have I become the mommy I wanted to be?”
And, although I am not at all perfect. I would have to say, yes. I have given it my all. Through thick and thin, I have done the very best I could each day. Sometimes it was enough, and other times it wasn’t, but, with the help of my Heavenly Father, it was always enough. I’m sure He listened and was smiling as I shared my stories with Bobbie. I’m sure He knew better than myself, what things I would do well, and what things I would need help with. He was already preparing my path, and the lessons I would need to learn, because he loved me. No, my path would not all be easy, because he wanted me to learn compassion and patience.
Here I am, twenty-eight years later. I am still His blond little Janae, sitting in the sun on a red and white checkered blanket. Now, it is full of blond haired little girls and one boy, not sewn from yarn, but created in love. He sent them to me, because he loves me. He knew this was the best way for me to learn to be a patient, kind, and grateful. Their big blue and brown eyes stare up at me, and we whisper about their dreams. I hear plans of being mommies, teachers, super heroes, dancers, pianists, soccer stars, veterinarians, and lawyers. I listen intently with a smile on my face, as I know Heavenly Father is, and tell them they can be anything they dream….just as my parents and Bobbie told me.
(thank goodness Bobbie hasn’t really spoken. She would have been in the dumpster by now.)
LOVED this post (and ADORABLE doll, by the way! :)) I can only pray I'm being the best mother I can be, at all times. But I know I fail, we all do (I hope! 😉 but I guess as long as we try to make tomorrow better than the day before (if it was a bad day), that's all we can do! 🙂