It is moves slowly quickish.  I have been holding my breath until I finally get to meet the doctor tonight at 5:00 p.m. I know I can’t expect him to solve all of my problems in a one hour session, but I sure wouldn’t mind it if he did.

“So Doc..” I will say.  “I’ve felt tired, and sad, and lonely, and fat.  I am happy one minute and sad the next, which I quickly follow up with a diet coke and a bag of butterscotch chocolate chips, because that is the only sweet thing I can find.  I am loosing some hair, and I wake up all night to use the bathroom.  I have hot flashes, and considered selling my kids to the highest bidder.  I don’t feel like exercising, because I am so tired that I have to pretend I am a fire fighter, running through a burning building saving my kids, just to muster up enough spurts of power to get them to bed.  When I go to exercise, I have to hide my tears because I feel like I have fallen so far.  So fast. SO, can you solve those things… and others, doc?”

It’s no wonder he has the husband come to this appointment.  I think he will make his best attempt at trying to explain to Jon why I haven’t felt like myself.  Or that it is completely possible that I am not myself.  I have been considering the likelihood of an alien abduction.  I actually remember some green little man coming into my room one night.

Heaven Help Dr. Jones.  I don’t expect much.

So, should I even try to express my excitement when I opened up my mailbox yesterday and found the CD from Mandy, of the Disneyland photo shoot?!  It was an immediate “Pick me Up” and I couldn’t be more grateful.  Mandy was Magical in the Kingdom, that is for sure.

We had 10 people that were sick in this photo shoot, or getting sick.  We had been to the emergency care with Halle Bug the night before, for her  very sad ear drums.  Jon had chosen to sleep on the floor on a mattress because he felt so sick.  Our counters in our hotel were covered with nyquil, dayquil, children’s tylenol, cough drops, airborne, and more.  To make this adventure even better, I had to wake up at 5:30 a.m. to get myself ready.  Wake up the kids at 6:00 a.m. to be out the door at 7:00 to beat the onslaughts of people that would flood the Disneyland gates on the bustiest day of the year.

Not only were we expecting perfection from sick kids, we had to do it early and fast AND without anyone else in the picture.  pure madness.

SO, you will understand my extatisism (new word) when I saw the results.  Mandy is an artist.  A rare talent.  Just go ahead and feast your eyes upon my beautiful family.  Really, I feel like it’s a bit of humble pie today as I struggle for my usual happy, relatively stable self. How can I ever complain about any of it, when I have such a healthy happy family.

My tired mommy eyes have been reopened.  Thank you Heavenly Father for the most frustrating, beautiful things in my life. I prayed them here.  All of them, and I will do my best to mother them.  They may lack for a mom that can cook, but they don’t lack love.

Welcome to our Disneyland Photo shoot!

6:00 a.m. getting very sick Halle Bug Ready.  She HATES getting her hair curled.

Our in Room Drug Store.

Our New Year’s Eve Countdown…

Oh Man, how I love my new son in law.  He adds such a special touch to our home.

Jon claims he was so sick (which I believed after getting the sickness when we got home) that he had to hold onto the stroller, not only to help but to stay standing upright.  

He is such a great guy.

I can’t even begin to say how appropriate it is that I named my Bug,

H.alle A.manda M.oss

She is indeed a HAM!

What a sexy Devil!

And I’ll end with one of my very favorite photos.  My girls, chatting under the umbrella.  I catch glimpses of these young ladies as women.  Women raising their own families someday.  I am blessed beyond comprehension.  Through all of the crazy times, most of which I can’t share on my blog, they make my life worth living.  They invite me to take one day at a time, to notice what really matters.  

Through their eyes, I see hope.  Faith.  Happiness. I am reminded of seeing life from the beginning, full of possibilities and dreams.  This is the reason I love being a mother.  It is the only job that I know of  that where we as women can help shape an optimistic view of life in a child’s mind.  To work everyday to understand how to live happy.  

Happiness isn’t everything running smoothly.  Happiness is the choice to see the goodness, and to keep trudging forward through trials and adversity.  

So, Dr. Jones.  Can you fix my life?  Can you make me feel better?  

Only partly, the rest is up to me, and a loving Heavenly Father that has been very patient.  He waits for me to put effort into my relationship with him, and when I hurt I tend to draw away from people and things I care about.  How would I feel if my kids were hurting, crying, and I was watching them from a distance feeling so alone and lost?  I would want to to help.  But knowing what I know as a mortal parent, the child has to want the help, or my assistance won’t work anyway.  

So He Waits.

I am going to start today with the best first step I know to feeling better.