was a waiting game.

Luckily it was General Conference and it helped distract me.  My emotional self was so raw after fasting the day before and the adoption was forefront in my brain. I vacillated back and forth between letting myself get excited and keeping up walls of protection.  

I have had a path of motherhood that has prepared me for may facets of this situation.  I knew how big of deal this was.  Back when I was 20 and naive, everything seemed simple.  Parenthood is not simple.  It is intense and all encompassing.  

I realized today that I have been a step mother to my oldest daughter “Rooz”,  foster parent for four years to my niece we can call “tellie”,  biological mommy of course, and now an adoptive mom.  

All situations present their own challenges.  

I have been the weekend mom, the mean full time mom, the aunt/mom, and now a new mom.  I have sat in court and battled for visitation, sat in court trying to fight for justice when my  niece was treated horribly, been pregnant five times, watched family torn apart as Jon and I fought for my nieces rights, sat in counseling for countless hours, dealt with DCFS, had family home studies done, been certified as a legal foster parent, and tried to find peace between it all.  

You see Saturday and Sunday were  a waiting game.  

Maybe a chance to reflect on if this was REALLY what we wanted.  It was so hard to have all of these emotions swirling in me and not be able to talk about it.  I was watching my nephew Jackson and kept imagining he was my own.  

Bug would fight over toys with a new brother…for sure. She has been the typical baby and knows she is the queen in this house.  How would all of the kids react? This was at the top of my list of things that worried me.  The stress it would cause on the kids and on our stress load as a whole, but it didn’t matter

We had decided.

Now it was in their hands and the other family hadn’t decided.

I went to bed Saturday night, but didn’t sleep.  Visions of “my” Super Man were floating through my scattered, detached dreams.