Pieces of Truth.
Today, as I reflect over the past 36 years of life and look forward to the next 36, I am left in a place of humility and gratitude. I started out even this last sentence planning on making this a funny post, but instead I feel much more compelled to share my feelings.
I am not anywhere close to the end of my life, but taking a snapshot of my place in space right now is powerful to me for many reasons. I grew up in Bountiful, a place I love and where part of my heart will always remain, for seventeen years.
At the ripe ol’ age of *almost 18* I moved about an hour away to college.
I have since remained here and raised my family for 17 years. I have now lived away from home as an adult, as long as I lived under my parents roof.
In only 16 more years, all of my children will be moved out of my house (if I am lucky 🙂
So you see, life races. It is fast. Part of me is pretty sure I am in Junior high and high school,
still enamored with my first love. Sure I would marry him in a few short years, complete with children named and where we would live. Part of me feels about 18, as if I’m still going to college and dating my husband (without all the other bodies we have brought into this world) free with so much to do and places to see. Another part of me feels about 24, the age I started to really feel like an adult. As if I am still stuck in a place of extreme hardships and beautiful babies. I really do feel about 28, but that is still about 8 years behind schedule.
So as time marches on, with or without my permission, I really feel an overwhelming sense of LIFE. I am at an age now that I can say without hesitation that I love people more than I ever have. I am filled with the spirit and am more in tune with my inner self than I have ever been. I have gained a perspective that is only gained by living, and it is a beautiful thing. I am more self confident in my decisions as a mother, than I have ever been and not because I am doing everything right, but because I have learned how to listen, and follow the impressions I get through prayer.
Listening to answers is a lot more peaceful than trying to figure it out myself. Trusting my intuition is more powerful than cowering to people around me. You see, I have lived long enough to have been hurt and to dig myself back out, and it is something that will happen until the day I die. It is the way I grow and learn, and hopefully through life’s lessons I will be more understanding
at the age of 46 and 56 than I am today.
I don’t want life to make me bitter, as it does for many. I want to strive for the childlike innocence and laughter of a 10 year old girl. The girl before the hurt and hardship. Isn’t that better than any other goal I could have? To gain perspective and wisdom, but be able to enjoy it as a child?
That is my goal. That is my present to myself.
I love life. I love LIVING. and I am so grateful for the gift of life on this earth. My family, my loving and unconditionally giving husband, my beautiful children sent from a above through various channels, my parents and siblings that I would rather be with than anyone else, my in laws that I love as my own blood, my friends that have supported and laughed with me through the years, even as we have moved on with our lives. Most of all I am grateful for my testimony of eternal Heavenly Parents, that love and support us all from somewhere else that we can’t see, fully understand, or explain. The individual love that Christ gives us, the answers I have received through silent petitions to him.
I am grateful for the answers received in beautiful mountains, in silence, and the always present feeling of safety and peace that I receive if I only take time to ask for it through prayer.
I am grateful that I have learned that spilt milk is OK because it wipes up pretty well. And music can change my attitude better than any other remedy I have found to date. I am grateful for the warmth of a sunrise and a new day. I am grateful for the television on long days, so Barney can help out with his catchy annoying melodies. I am grateful for rain and the way it makes the forest smell when I walk through it. I am grateful for exercise and laughter, until I cry kind of laughter. I am grateful for six pair of deep blue eyes like the ocean, and one pair of big brown eyes as sweet as chocolate. I am grateful for and LOVE watching each of their individual personalities and talents develop into who they wish to become. I am grateful to be able to read a good book, and find happiness in writing. I am grateful for a perfect water ski day in the middle of September, and a mother that can ski 11 miles without stopping.
I am grateful for my kids laughter, a perfectly made sandwich, and reading on the hammock with my littles. I am grateful for a great washing machine and the clothes we have to fill them. I am grateful for the knowledge that a smile takes less muscles than a frown, and that a smile can get you much further. I am grateful for a dark starry night, and the endless possibilities and realms beyond. I am thankful for people I know and people I don’t know that I see helping each other, everywhere. I am grateful for diversity, if we were all the same we would all go crazy. I am grateful for my circle birthmark on my left foot that was so brilliantly placed, and the knowledge from my father that it came about by the sperm entering the egg. I am grateful for a husband that accepts me unconditionally and his big arms that wrap around me when I feel weak. I am grateful for a good nap when it can happen, and a perfect dream of flying and dancing in the rain after a hard day or jumping on the trampoline,
especially when I don’t pee my pants.
I short, I am grateful for life.
So Happy Birthday to me. May the rest of my days be as beautiful as the ones before.