I had grand plans of making a slide show for my Mother’s Day today, but simply ran out of time.  I saw one that my cousin made for herself for Mother’s Day and it touched me so much that I started frantically working on one of my own children.

And then I realized {I am old}

I was a mother before digital cameras were around.  Three fourths of my pictures were taken on old disposable cameras because we didn’t have money for a real camera and by the time we developed them…they were mostly black shadows.  I pulled together pictures that I had made it through our first 15 years of marriage and were actually developed and started taking pictures of them with my digital camera as fast as I could.  

Oh how I wish I could have blogged from the first of our family! 

 I had beautiful babies….ones that belonged on the Gerber baby adds.  I wish I had every motherly thought recorded as I trudged through all the many sleepless nights and pregnant days.  I wish I had their sayings recorded here as I have Handsome’s and Bug’s when they were young…but I don’t.

I have them recorded in my head….forever. 

 After taking pictures for a few hours and realizing I would have to edit them to fix the lighting and upload them all and put it to music, I realized it would have to take longer than a few days to do.  I can’t carve out that much time…in the past few days anyway.

So when I saw some pictures that brought back so many memories, I became overwhelmed with gratitude and love.  Although we were struggling with SO many things, we had each other.  

I held five beautiful baby girls in my arms, watched them learn to eat-walk-trust-sing- and be who they are today.  There is nothing like being a mother.  Nothing in this world.  It is exhausting and beautiful all at the same time.  Maddening and blissful in the same breath.  Heart wrenching and peaceful in one.  

I woke up at 3:00 a.m. last night to a crying son and when I was awake thought of Mother’s Day and wrote on my facebook

 “There is never a time when appreciation for your mother is more sincere, than when you are blessed with your own children.  Sleepless nights, dedicated days, and selfless love become part of you and any criticism or ingratitude of years gone by fade into irrelevance.

I love you mom, Happy Mother’s Day”

I thought…somehow I have made it through 7 children in 15 years.  

My “biological” oldest just sent me this picture of her holding hands with her “first love” a few days ago.  I have prepared her as far as I can with the talks of “not getting too close to one boy in high school”, “remember who you are” and “you can talk to me about anything”….etc.

It is her time to start into her teen years.  She is almost 15 and she knows she can’t date until she is 16 but the other day she went to a soccer game with a bunch of friends and to watch “Tangled” at her “friends” house afterward.  His parents bought them all pizza and let them hang out there.  I am happy she chose to share this picture because it is the first time she has held hands with a boy…


so cute.

Just two days ago I was taking pictures of her as a baby and then a toddler…and now this.  Mother hood goes so fast, sooner than later she will be moving on with her life away from my home.  I have given her my all…she has seen me weak and strong, happy and sad, loud and quiet, patient and mad.  She has seen it all, but more than anything I know she knows that I love her and that is what will get us through what ever lay ahead.

Look how much she has changed…

The picture quality is horrible, but at least I have them.  It is only now as a mother of many that I completely understand the love my mom has for me.  You think you get it until you have children of your own.  My mom is an amazing lady and I owe so much to her.  She is the essence of who I am.  I am not the same, but we share a thread that has been passed through her to me.  

Some of the things I see in myself that remind me of her are:

My love for music

The cowgirl attitude of self reliance that a girl gets being raised on a ranch

My passion for adventure and new experiences

My love of family

Living life to the fullest

love of things greater than ourselves…eternal principles

and the love to create

Some things that I wasn’t lucky enough to pull from the gene pool are:

Her ability to sew anything you put in front of her

The fact that she can water ski 11 miles…even at age 55

her skill of baking the best home made wheat bread on the planet

*that I didn’t appreciate enough as a child*

The way she rides a horse and sings

of course there are many more things about my mother that I love.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful women out there that read Pink Moss.  I am happy you choose to take this journey with me, for whatever reason and I hope I can relay some sort of something you need to hear.  Overall my message today is one of hope.  Motherhood is not easy, it can actually chew you up and spit you out {daily} but keep going.  Think of the blessings you DO have, not what you don’t.  Focus on where you want to go, not the things that depress you today.  

And be strong

Your kids are watching you…your example.  Be careful what things you say in front of your kids…even though they might be said in sarcasm or out of frustration, they are still said and will hurt.  

Motherhood is not easy, but it is worth it.  And remember, we are learning to be parents as we go.  We don’t have any experience and we are the child in some ways too, so when you have a bad day, pick yourself up and just keep going.  All we can do is our best, and that is enough.  That is love and after all, motherhood is the most important calling on this planet, for without us what would there be?  

*I apologize for this scattered post…kids running in and out and jumping on and off me*