Ring Ring….


“Hi, this is the adoption center.  It is time to set up the six month check up to see if everything is going OK and to finalize the papers.”

“Oh Hi!  Nice to hear from you.”

“So, how is it going?”

“Well…{I pause for a minute {How much do I share of the intense journey..?} It’s good!  It has been hard, we have learned a lot and he has learned a lot, but we are doing well.”

“So then do you want to keep him?”

My mind raced…you mean there is an option? I thought…?  

“People actually give back the kids?”

“Oh yes, it happens all the time.”

I couldn’t believe my ears.  I can’t imagine the tail spin it would throw Handsome into to take him out of my home after six months of hard work in bonding, loving, crying, and everything in between.

“Oh YES, we want to keep him!”

Thoughts flashed through my mind of being more free again, no adoption stress…I could see how people would make that decision after six months of what we have been though if they weren’t completely ready for it and able to change, cry, and work to make it happen.

And then I started to realize….we have made it through one of the hardest parts of adoption…and I started to breathe a little bit easier.  I have been so tired and feeling like actually adoption is quite a bit like giving birth.  

Now hear me out…

I know there are a lot of women that wouldn’t agree, but here are the similarities for me,

and I have given birth to 5 babies.

* With adoption I believe there is some sort of honeymoon phase where it is all exciting and wonderful, and then real life hits and you have to figure out how to make it all work.  In pregnancy you have 9 months to prepare, with our adoption we had 5 days. We were so excited and then {the baby came} and we hugged and loved and were so happy, and then somewhere along the line it became really hard work just like a biological baby.

* I am starting to think I had postpartum just like I did after my last two babies.  I know my hormones weren’t affected by a pregnancy, but my hormones WERE affected by the stress.  I actually had major issues with my monthlywomanlyschedule (how do I put that?).  I had to go into the doctor and figure out what in the world was going on.  After extensive testing to see if I had cysts or something really bad going on, he determined it was just stress.  JUST STRESS?!  Really it can do that to you? {and I’m not going into too much gory detail. Yes, stress can MESS you up and my hormones were messed up.  

* The kids all have to adjust just like with a new baby.  There are jealousies, fighting and happiness for them, just like a biological baby.  Everyone feels a little threatened in their own way.  I think it made a big difference in our family that Handsome was last in the birth order.  If we would have stuck him in the middle, I could see it potentially having a much bigger impact on the other children.

* I gained 15 pounds.  OK, with a pregnancy I gain 50 but I couldn’t see any reason I would gain weight.  Call it stress, call it I couldn’t get away from Handsome’s side for 5 minutes without him freaking out (not even to walk on our treadmill).  So I am on a physical recovery  and in a way it is worse because it doesn’t feel justified.  I feel like I am lazy and out of control.  As my stress has calmed down, I feel like I can jump back on top of things but it has been an interesting journey.  After six months, I am now finally getting back onto a regular exercise program and choosing less comfort foods.

* Sleepless nights…yes, with a baby you feed and with an adopted toddler you deal with fears.  I have lacked in sleep just as if I had given birth.  

Some differences?

*I have a crash course time to get to know him.  With a baby, you get one day at a time to grow with each other but with adoption and especially with a toddler you are thrown together and it takes a lot of concentration and patience to understand each other.

* There is the worry with the previous parents.  Luckily in our case, they respect the distance that needs to be given in order to feel comfortable to bond.  If I had parents that were always getting into our business it would have been much harder.  Giving birth, you obviously don’t have to worry about that.

* I feel like the other kids are more threatened having adopted Handsome than if I had given birth.  He was like a new toy and I don’t think they always understand.  Because Handsome is a boy I think it makes this issue worse because “mom, you just always wanted a boy!” 

{Yes I have heard this}

* Going anywhere is harder, walking out the door is more difficult, sometimes he holds onto me and yells at everyone else if they try and sit with us.  He wants to own me and that can be difficult.  I didn’t ever face this with biological children.

* It’s hard to know when he throws fits what is effect from being adopted, and what is just because he is two.  In a way it doesn’t matter, but in a way it does.  I just wish I could communicate all of the feelings he is going through and I can’t yet.  I feel so blessed that he is talking, and well.  It makes a huge difference.

So there you have it.  It isn’t all of the thoughts I am having, but some…and there are people that need to hear them if they are considering adoption.  As I was driving home from dropping the kids off at school today I had the most fabulous thought.  A great, happy, wonderful, warm feeling thought that fills you all up with goodness….are you ready?

I have everything that my little heart has ever desired.

All of it, right here in front of my face.  Part of me wants to freeze time, just for even a bit and partake.  I know more trials will come because they always do, but right now I am at peace.

I have six beautiful daughters

I have a son that I prayed for that was hand delivered out of my thoughts by a loving Heavenly Father

I am healthy and strong

My family is the bomb diddy…extended and so forth

My friends were handpicked and heaven sent, and they bless my life

I have a place to ramble my thoughts with people that read them and (mostly enjoy them)

My hubster is a great, hardworking, giving, guy that I was meant to be with.

I can appreciate all of this, because there have been times when I have laid in bed and cried for worry of my children.  Times I couldn’t afford food or clothes, and times we have seemingly lost it all but you know what?  We survived, and we could again if we had to. 

 {Heaven knows I am not praying to loose it all again *just had to knock on wood and make sure we were all on the same page right here*} 

But if I had to, we would survive because what we have that nobody can take away is an eternal family. We have each other. 

So, no Mrs. Adoption lady…we won’t return our son. No refund…no exchange.

 We will keep him and stick it out thank you very much!