March 1st.

A special day in my book, my anniversary.

I could be mushy…but my blog has been so emotional lately, it’s exhausting so instead I will share some advice on how to stay together for 15 years of marriage.  After all, we have accomplished that.

So in no particular order…

• Alwayssearchfor the good in each other and focus on that.
• Look for ways to support each other, even when you feel like thinking only of yourself.
• Communication *nuff said*
• Work to remember what brought you together in the first place and celebrate that. *the same thing that helped you fall in love with the person is always the thing that has the potential to drive you apart* It’s true, think about it.
• Try to laugh, even when you feel like crying.  It always helps to see things more clear.
• Make time for date night…I don’t care what it is, just do it.
• Set goals together and work like crazy to reach them….together.
• Appreciate your differences, it’s what makes you stronger as a team
• Tell your kids what you love about each other, it teaches the kids and reminds you.
• Dance every now and then to a random song on the radio
• Make time for talking each day.
• Sometimes it’s better to bite your lip when they do the same annoying thing *that doesn’t matter* over and over again.
• And sometimes it’s better to spit it out if it has a long term affect on your well being and mental health *sometimes it even helps to laugh at them in your head*
• Try to support each other’s hobbies and dreams, you will both be happier.
• When a break is needed, help each other…refer to my last comment.
• Be sensitive to each others feelings…even when their emotion may not make sense to you.
• Work and focus on your own weaknesses…after all, this is all you have control over anyway.
• When in groups or without your partner, build each other – don’t tear down.
• Look at your kids as a blessing and a trust from Heavenly Father, it’s easier to be grateful together through the challenge of raising a family, not resentful for the huge responsibility.
• Never give up.  Marriage is hard work and if you aren’t working at it, it disintegrates on it’s own.

So there you have it, 20 words of advice.

I wanted to share one story with you that perfectly portrays the kinds of love that Jon and I have for each other.  It was a cold snowy night and I was laying in bed tired, exhausted, worn out…feeling combinations of happiness, anger, hurt, love, gratitude…basically every emotion you can feel at the same time.  

It was last night.

Jon had been gone for six days.  We haven’t been apart longer than a weekend in the 17 and a half years I have known him.  He hadn’t done anything wrong but I was tired from a long week with the kids and without him.  I laid there with my heart beating hard and heavy in my chest.  “Is this my new life?” I thought as Jon passed out souvenirs to all of the kids.  

I have never been good at long distance relationships…carrying on conversations on the phone for longer than a day while he is at work.  I swore I would never marry a guy in the army, or a business man that traveled across country as I sat at home alone.   I missed him and have felt stuck here far away from him as he built the business without me.  I am not used to that.  We decided together that I wouldn’t go because of Handsome and all the other kids needing me too, but it was hard to hear his first radio show from another state, and only see his experiences through a face book page.

I was excited to see him, but tired.

And then once again, Jon reminded me why I love him so much.  Instead of being upset that I was having a hard time, he crawled in bed next to me and just held me.  He asked how I was feeling, already knowing the answer…but letting me vent anyway.  He tickled my arm, which always calms me down and held me tight.  

I thought in my head, “How can my friend Barbara live without her husband for six years after he died from cancer, and I can’t make it six days?” 

We talked about the week we were apart and we both shared happy things and things that made us frustrated.  We caught up like old friends * I know pathetic, it’s been 6 days* but that is the kind of relationship we have.  

After a while I felt my blood pressure come down and I teared up as I held him.  This probably took an hour.  After a bit we were laughing and teasing each other and I reached to get a drink from all the talk.  After taking a drink of my very cold ice water {that he brings me every night before bed}  it just happened….I swear.  It wasn’t premeditated or anything…but in that second it seemed like the perfect way to get at him, to remind him of my hard week I had been through. 

 I did something that is unheard of my my house.

Ask Rooz

Ask Mack

Ask noo noo

Ask Sprite

Ask Monkey

Ask Bug

and I bet even Handsome has picked up on it.

You NEVER, I repeat NEVER get dad wet….ESPECIALLY with cold water.

and that is exactly what I wanted to do.  

My glass tipped and it splashed across his unsuspecting belly and up to his scrunched up face…and in that second I wished I could take it back but it felt Oh so good.  He GRABBED the glass and wrestled with me until it was all over me and COLD!  I grabbed the second cup and started to get him, but once again I was drenched. It’s amazing that my screams of fear didn’t wake up all of the sleepy kids!

Our bed was soaked.

With ice and COLD COLD water.

And I laughed…something I had needed to do in six days…I laughed hard and knew *as I know now* that our fight isn’t over because whenever I start something I get it back 80 times worse.  My stomach hurt and we were breathing hard from laughing.

We were both frozen, so we decided to take a bath and warm up.  We talked until unspeakable hours about everything under the sun and finally were falling asleep in each others arms, wrapped in the only dry blanket on his side of the bed next to  a pool of wet covers because ice was strewn everywhere on my side.  

 I looked over at my phone through half glaze over sticky eyes and realized it was March 1st.  Our special day.  The day we promised to be everything for each other. 

And that’s exactly what we have been.

These are some pictures of our cruise from last year to the Western Caribbean.  We will be celebrating on a cruise to the Eastern Caribbean in about a week…I’ll keep you updated on all the fun!

**************************

p.s. I redid my post from yesterday because I only got one third of the story down.  To hear the rest of the story of Jon’s birth mom click HERE.