Every night we go through the same ritual.
He screams for “hot cocolate” and I tell him no. Sometimes he yells for 15 minutes straight as I sit by his side, and other times it’s only for a minute. My favorite nights he smiles and snuggles in right away.
Finally he settles for water and calms down.
He pulls the covers up under his chin as I start “Jewel’s” CD and turn out the lights.
I have a lot to contemplate as I sit by his bedside each night while he surrenders into dream land. How our day went, what challenges we overcame and what pit falls we faced. Sometimes I feel week and wished I had more patience and other times I marvel how calmly I deal with so much.
Up and down.
He stares into my eyes as Jewel sings her familiar yodel, a sound I never thought I would say sounded good but somehow she pulls it off. He drinks his water and sets it down. He smacks his lips a few times and I know this means he is loosing the fight.
He is slipping….slipping further.
He searches for my hand in the dark moonlit room and squeezes my finger as he pulls it closer to his tummy. Sometimes his face is smashed up against mine and I can scarcely breath. I see his eyes blink, and then again…and once more. I count the number of seconds between blinks hoping he is close.
Then he sneezed right into my face.
Spit flew everywhere and honest to goodness all I could think was, “Oh I am so happy that nobody is sick right now”. We have already had our share of colds.
It dried after a minute and all was good.
Jewel starts singing “Somewhere Out There” one of my childhood favorites and I can’t help but chime in. I start slow and quiet but somewhere I started to build intensity. I have listened to the song 2 times a day now for 3 months. Making a new sleep music mix just hasn’t made it to the top of the “to do” list in between all the other must do’s.
I gained momentum and passion and I became louder.
“I LOVE THIS SONG” I thought…it fits my wanderlust dreamer side and I sang even louder. I was proud of my voice, after all Handsome wouldn’t care if I was a smidgen flat or sharp…he knew I was singing for him, from my heart and out of love. He is the best audience a mom could have.
He seemed to watch me in the dark. I wondered what he was thinking trying to search those dark eyes. and then he spoke!
That’s how bedtime went tonight. What a sweet little stinker.
I love that little guy.
He dozed off shortly after holding my finger tight.
Tomorrow is another day. He is growing so fast. He seems to walk different than the girls. He has a little strut that is to die for. He can play really hard and keep up with daddy.
I love it, daddy loves it, Handsome loves it.
Someday this little boy won’t want me to sit by him and hold his hand as he falls asleep. Someday he will rather listen to annoying songs from the radio and not Jewel. Someday he won’t wear diapers and make cute little zoooooomming noises when he plays with trucks. Someday he won’t cuddle up to me and melt into my arms when he is sad. Someday he won’t stare into my eyes like I am the only person on the earth.
But tonight he did.