Today I organized drawers.
Exciting I know.
If you were to walk into my house you would probably wonder if I have EVER organized drawers.
Surprise Surprise..I do it ALL the time.
There are more little hands moving things around this house than I can count. I will have it perfect…I will even sit and coach my kids as they try to clean out there drawers but it never lasts long. Gadgets I have never set eyes on, wrappers to who knows what treat, and other missing items show up. It is a never ending job, along with the laundry and dishes and looking for shoes in this house.
Today as I was moving things around I spilled a whole bag of crayons onto the floor…I groaned and bent down to pick them up. I had already been reorganizing my kitchen drawers for several hours after buying Rooz’s extra wedding stuff off of her. My bowls had all made it to Phylis’ doggy bed for food or to the fish tank to hold water and had to be replaced.
all colors scattered everywhere….
And then out of nowhere I heard a little raspy voice say,
“Momma, wha happen?”
I turned around to see Handsome and grinned. I always melt when I look into his big brown
co co bean eyes. “It’s OK” I said, “I accidentally spilled all of the crayons honey.”
“Oh NO”…he said, “I’m sorry!”
“I help you”
So we sat down together and picked up what seemed like a million crayons and I teared up. “Something had been getting through…something” I thought.
It is easy to feel like I am not getting anywhere with him a lot of times. Combine his 2 year old self, separation anxiety fits, and just plain freak outs for who knows what reason and sometimes I feel discouraged. He is loud when he is mad. He screams and yells. His latest trick is to try and scratch or hit which I am not OK with AT ALL. We have had to introduce time out because he does it knowing good and well that he is trying for attention.
At first he sat and screamed for EVER as I sat by him and watched. It is hard to listen to for long periods of time but what else do I do? He hates having to hold still. After about three weeks his fits seem to be getting shorter and he knows if he stops crying and says sorry than he can get off of he chair. He always gets hugs and I talk calm to him so he knows I’m not mad but that we don’t allow scratching faces. I don’t claim to know it all…I’m just doing my best. I don’t feel like I am doing him a service if I just let him scratch everyone because as he gets older and stronger it would be worse.
The challenge is knowing when he is freaking out because he is two, and when he is freaking out because he just needs hugs. I will ask him when he is screaming if he wants a hug and sometimes he will stop, walk over and snuggle. Other times he is just plain mad. It is hard not to be discouraged but then I have to remind myself that he has been here for almost three and a half months. He has come a long way in a short amount of time. He has lost his family…..home…..familiar smells and foods….everything but his name. I kept his first name the same because so much else was changing.
A lot changed for everyone but we are having progress.
I can tell he is so happy and knows we love him.
I can see the calmness inside of him and know we were meant to be together. Little Jon is so good with him and is a lot of time just what is needed whether to wrestle getting extra energy out or to feed the fish and just watch them together.
I love my boys.
I love the chance I have been given to raise a son.
I love Handsome.