It was a cold day yesterday, frigid actually and I’m no winter wimp. It was the kind of cold that bites at your skin when you walk outside and your lungs rebel when in inhale. 

Cold.

I love the snow.  I love the Utah winter weather with the snowboarding, skiing, sledding, snow shoeing, and snowmobiling.  This year has been quite different though.  I am a momma to a newborn. Handsome isn’t a new born in the age sense of the word, but he is new to our home

schedule, traditions, and family.

I haven’t had the time to exercise or keep up with much.  

Exercise always has a huge impact on how I feel and my energy levels.  It helps me breathe a bit easier through my stress and my body functions better.  I am more emotionally stable when I make the time to consistently be active.

Combine lack of sleep, no exercise and three months of party food…and that’s me right now. It makes me feel CRAZY. I was reflecting on this yesterday and remembered a hilarious phone answering machine message that made me laugh a while back and had to share.

I think I’m going to actually put it on my phone today….when I find it that is. It’s gone missing for 24 hours now.  Is it time to call the police?

Yes, I am mental too *call it short term memory loss*

I had anepiphanyyesterday.

Have you ever seen the movie “Multiplicity”?

There are several versions of the same person so the guy can get everything done.

I have often thought I needed the same thing, now I am thinking twice.

Is more of me really a good thing? 

 I am starting to wonder.

I was talking toNooNooyesterday and without going into too much personal detail, I could see myself in her.  She is a perfectionist with herself.  She feels like she can’t do anything well and is really hard on herself.  She is also very observant of other people and their personalities

 {their wants, reactions to situations,mannerisms…etc.}

She is sensitive and it hurts her to see other people hurt, almost to the point of physical pain or sickness. 

“NooNoo, you are amazing” I heard myself say.

“You are talented and beautiful and smart.”

Of course she didn’t hear a word I said.

And then I realized that people I have heard the same thing from people and am still hard on myself.

NooNoohas parts of me in her.

I try to help her see herself clearly, maybe the answer is to start on myself and give myself a break.

Later that same day I got a call from Monkey’s teacher.

“Mrs. *shmonae* 🙂 This is Monkey’s teacher, do you have a few minutes to talk?”

“Yes.” {I knew what was coming}

My kids have all struggled in school the past few months since Handsome came because I haven’t had the time to help them as much as usual.  

I held my breath.

“OKGood” she went on…

“I received the note you sent explaining your current circumstances at home and I want to help.”

oh good…I thought.

I have experiences with teachers before when my kids were struggling with this or that, that I wanted to go curl up in a ball in the corner and cry.  I try my best.  The rule is to come home, sit at the kitchen table and get your homework done … every day.  When I am on top of things *not the past few months* I rotate between all the kids rooms and read with them every night or sit in my room and eat popcorn with them and enjoy a book.

Unfortunately I have been in survival mode.

The kids are lucky to get a balanced meal…or any at all for that mater.

“OK, thanks for calling..” I said

“I don’t want her to get behind.  What is she struggling with? Oh and before you answer that question, I know she looses her back pack and homework all the time.  I was lecturing her just today about loosing her shoes AGAIN 

as I was looking for my OWN keys.”

She laughed and agreed.

“Yes, Monkey looses things and even though I know she does morehomeworkthan I see, it is lowering her grades.  She is also very easily distracted…”

“Oh boy here we go again..” I thought

ANOTHER ME.

Two kids in one day so far that had reminded me of my weaknesses.

“Yes….she is, and so am I.  I am sorry…”

“Oh no it’sOK, she is very pleasant and always happy.  She isn’t a discipline problem.”

Good….at least she learned my charm to get her though her faults….I remember having multiple teachers inelementarythat I drove crazy but they still liked me.  *except for one*

oh… I mean two.

OKthree…

I keep remembering stories about each grade that turned them against me.

It’s true, I did stick a 3 inch pin in a boys bum for stealing my friend and holding her at their base.It’s also true that I pantsed a girl because she always flashed the boys her underwear and I was sick of it. I also accept the fact that when I was ready to graduate high school the counselor pulled out my permanent record and read….

“I am seriously concerned for *shmonae’s* future.

She shows a general lack of concern for her grades and she can’t concentrate to save her life.

I AM NOT KIDDING.

True story.

“Mrs. Monkey’s teacher, I will come into the class tomorrow and try to help out.  I will watch how you are teaching spelling and phonics.  Hopefully this will help out..”

{They teach a college level phonics course at my kids school.  I guess that’s what I get for sending them to a private school}

The conversation was much longer than this but I have to say I am so grateful for an understanding and very sweet teacher.  She didn’t condemn me for being imperfect.  In her words she said,

“You are running a marathon and doing your best…”

Thank you Thank you for understanding that.  The wedding is over and Handsome is settling in.  Hopefully all will be back to normal soon…what is “normal” anyway?

At bed time I laid tucked all the kids in and read with them.

They are good kids.  

They are sweet and kind, thoughtful of others.  There must be some good they have gleaned off me…… I walked to my room and laid down.

“Tomorrow is a new day” I thought,  and turned out the lights.