I find it interesting that the first place I ran tonight is my blog when I found out the bad news.
It has become my friend, you have become my friends. This is a place I can write down my thoughts and feelings, and for some reason you have chosen to take this journey with me.
It is Thursday night…the night I found out that tomorrow my dog will die.
PhylisThe dog that has been there through thick and thin. The dog that has been thick and thin.
I was going through my wedding budget *that I blew faster than my girls use toilet paper* and getting overwhelmed with the things that will transpire the next few days with the wedding. I laid down in my receipts and bills that were strewn across my bed and pulled up angry birds on my ipad to relax for a minute. It didn’t work, those stinkin’ pigs were mocking me!
I needed to vent…to relax.
Too bad I just became more and more angry that the birds just weren’t doing what I told the to do. “Just like my kids..” I thought.
I was turning off the game as Rooz walked in with teary eyes and told me that Phylis was non responsive and fell on the floor.
We have seen warning signs, ever since she had the last tumor out a few months ago. She has gradually eaten less, slept more, and whimpered when she was touched wrong. I knew it. I had the feeling when we paid the big money to take out the first growth, but I didn’t want to accept it.
I teared up as Rooz told me through watered eyes, “Mom, her eyes are glazed over and she doesn’t look the same.” I tried to hold back so much emotion that was bubbling under the surface, for my kids…for me. ” I have to be strong right now” I thought..
It’s not working.
I waited a minute trying to compose myself and then Little Jon called. That’s it, there was no hope now for repressing my sadness.
“Hi Hun, how are you doing?” he asked knowing I was already dealing with money stuff for the wedding. “Fine…” but my tears gave me away. “What’s wrong??”
“Uhhh. Phylis doesn’t look good.”
“She doesn’t look good? Like bad?”
What else was there to say?
“ahhh..I’m sorry. I loved Phylis too.”
“I know but you always acted like you didn’t”
“I know..” as a big grin spread across his face. I was sure without even seeing it.
He was quiet and I knew he knew exactly what I was thinking. It was bad timing, it is bad timing. The wedding is Saturday and we have a lot on our plates already. It doesn’t take a long time to put a dog asleep, but it does drain you mentally. Phylis was there through everything we have been through. Always there, possibly more than any human.
Actually I am sure of it.
Phylis saw me when I was sad, angry, tired, or laughing and loved me just the same. When the kids or I got to loud she would just turn around and walk into her “kennel” which was her dog bed.
I went downstairs to see how she was doing. Sure enough she was laying there and Bug was by her side stroking her. When I walked in Bug said,
“Mommy, Phylis is gonna die soon.”
I swear this kid has a sixth sense. First Handsome, now Phylis. I laid down by her and so did Bug and Rooz. We laid there and cried. Phylis must have wondered what in the worked was going on..or did she. I think she has that sixth sense also.
Once she woke up in the night and started growling. She NEVER barks or growls unless something is really wrong. She went over to Rooz and Shauntyl my niece that lived with us for four years *I was her legal guardian* and kept bumping into her to wake them up. Finally she was successful even though Rooz was quite bugged coming out of a dead sleep. When Shauntyl woke up she realized that her blood sugar *being a diabetic* was really low…so low she was close to a coma.
Bug asked, “Mom can we say a prayer?”
*Remember she is only almost 4*
I learn things from my kids every day, one of them being total innocent and beautiful faith.
I asked her if she wanted to say it and she said no. I sat there for a minute and waited and the next thing I knew she has started.
“Dear Heavenly Father, pwease bwess Phylis. Bwess that she won’t shake anymore, bwess that she won’t hurt, and bwess that she will fell ok. And pwease bwess the family.”
She opened up her eyes and looked at me for more direction so I whispered,
“Bug, that is perfect…you don’t need to say anything else.”
So she added,
“In da name of Jesus Christ, Amen.”
I peaked up at Rooz and we were both touched by her sweetness. The night went on with lots of stories told. All the times she stole our food or snuck into their rooms at night. We decided that we will have a little funeral for her tomorrow after she is put to sleep. Rooz asked the doctor if we could wait until after the wedding and give her pain pills but he said it was so bad that she could die before then and it would be a painful death
so we are sticking with the plan.
She has eaten chocolate and hot dogs tonight…and anything else she has a craving for. The kids have been snuggling with her for hours. It was rough getting them to go to sleep…I still don’t think they are. Maria came over to visit because she has been part of our family now for six years. She loves the dog as much as we do.
She is on my bed as I type.
She never makes it ON my bed, but tonight she did. Phylis has been around for a long time and I feel like there is a countdown clock set until the end, her end. All I know is that this dog has been a great addition to our family, to our story.
She was meant to take this journey with us, if only for a time.
Tomorrow will be sad..so sad. We plan on taking pictures with Phylis one last time before we take her in. I hope to get the kids to see the happy part of the day. I want them to remember the funny stories and happy times. I think I will have each person share a story that makes us laugh.
Phylis would want it that way.