I have never claimed to be a chef

or a cook

or even a homemaker.

I don’t cook

I don’t like to cook

I actually HATE to cook and I never use the word HATE.

My mom tried

She tried to lure me into the kitchen

To watch her bake bread, rolls, and homemade cheese soup.

I didn’t work

I had better things to do

I find some way every day to still have better things to do.

Don’t get me wrong…I try

And it’s a good thing my kids don’t expect much

and neither does my patient long suffering hungry husband.

I figured I would make one New Years resolution this year

just one

to only set one goal as to not to be overwhelmed.

And guess what,

I already accomplished my goal

and the pressure is off.

And then I felt like a looser being

all completed with my resolutions on January First

So I made one more.

To learn to cook 

more than sandwiches, spaghetti, and BBQ

My life may just come to an end.

Or my kids

depending on my success

We shall see.

I am keeping a log of what I cook

or try to cook

so I can see my progress or feel guilty that there isn’t any.

Today I decided to make stew

I have made it before

and it even tasted good

I first decided that my environment needed to be just right

so I began to set the stage

first rule, make dinner before lunch.

I was right on schedule

I started to psyche myself out

I turned on my favorite music that energizes but calms *Jack Johnson*

I got into some really comfortable clothes

turned down the temperature

so I wouldn’t overheat in my exertions.

I set my *twins* on the counter with a crock pot in between the 2

and started cutting celery and onions

I let them throw them in and they loved it.

I added some stuff from one recipe 

and some other stuff from another recipe

I think I used 5 different opinions on how to best make beef stew.

I guess I won’t know who was right because I mediated

between them

that’s how I work you know.

I handed Bug and Handsome

a spoon to start stirring

as I dumped in this and that.

They danced to the music and so did I

I couldn’t handle it any longer and

pulled the kids off the counter to spin with me.

It was at that moment that I realized

 how I have lived with an ADD husband all these years

I am coming to accept the fact that I am PARTIALLY add myself *shhhhhh*

I remembered I was cooking after a bit

and rummaged for my non existent potatoes and carrots

and then I gave up.

The meat was next

I went into my garage and navigated my way to our tall freezer

We have a fridge, tall freezer, and short wide freezer there for all these kids.

I found a beef

possible a whole cow there

but NO stew meat

I finally picked out a roast 

that was frozen of course

and brought it inside.

I plopped that thing in a pan to 

fry it into submission

I couldn’t cut it after all.

To this point I had spent about an hour cooking 

with the kids

and my distractions.

I was proud of myself

and my kids were having fun

I was even cleaning up as I went along.

I approached the meat..

turned it on high

and let er rip

I browned the outside and realized 

I would have to start cutting 

sooner than later

I dug out a knife

a dull

knife

and hacked away at the slab of beef

I sawed and cut and twisted and groaned

I wasn’t getting through that thing yet.

I became impatient and dumped water in 

so it wouldn’t burn and maybe steam it soft

and then It worked.

As I examined the flesh

I saw bones that must have been

the back bone.

and then I saw fat

and ligaments

and other things that I didn’t want to eat.

I couldn’t believe how much fat there was

for an animal that stands and moves all day

and I agreed with myself that this cow probably exercised more than I have lately.

Wouldn’t it be nice 

if I could cut the fat off my bones in a pan

just like I was doing to the cow?

I took out chunks 

and threw them in my trash

ugggg

The more I cut

the more I saw that I didn’t want to eat

and I transported a huge chunk across the room on a fork to the waiting garbage.

Until it fell into my bare hand

and I shuttered

and got the chills.

All and all 

I think I got a good 16 pieces

into the pot that passed my inspection.

2 pieces per family member

mmmmmmm mmmmm

good.

I’m still proud because I cooked

and it wasn’t a sandwich 

Even though I would rather it was.

On Sunday 

our ward news letter came out and

 Monkey and Sprite were interviewed.

Both girls mentioned they loved lasagna

the interviewer said,

“Their mom must make amazing Lasagna because they both love it!”

Little did she know

Mrs. Stouffer made that lasagna they are speaking of 

and they do love it, because I didn’t make it.