If you guessed that I slept Monday night in a silent slumber because of the previous days events, you would be wrong. I tossed and turned all night, my head swimming with possibilities
*some good* some bad*.
Even if my body relaxed and fell into some sort of sleep, my mind didn’t and this makes for the craziest dreams ever, not that that is anything new for me.
was bound to be an emotional day for everyone.
Jon had the lawyer on alert the day before, just in case they came back with a “yes, he is yours!” I thought Jon was jumping the gun, but once again he was right. He wanted the insurance in ready in case Handsome was placed in our care. Sure enough the wanted him to come live with us on Tuesday! They had mention they wanted this whole ordeal to go fast, and they weren’t kidding!
One of my main concerns with adopting a son, was that I didn’t want my other kids to feel like I didn’t love them as much. I knew this wasn’t possible, but I was worried that their young minds might view it this way. After Handsomes family left Monday night, Jon and I spent time talking to Noo Noo and Mack to make sure they were feeling OK with the situation. I have had children, *and I wont say which ones*
bring up the fact that they thought I loved boys more than girls when they were upset. Of course this isn’t true, I just wanted the chance to raise both. If I had given birth to 5 boys and had 1 step son, I would by dying for a girl!
I was so mentally worn out by this point, I slumped down in my bed as Jon went and talked with both of them. I just didn’t know if I had the patience to hear that they weren’t ready for a brother after all that had traspired.
I was pleasantly surprised when I realized Noo Noo didn’t feel that way, but was more concerned about Handsome. She worried that he wouldnt feel he was part of the family because he was adopted and nobody else was. Thank goodness. I would have had a really hard time if all my kids were mad at Jon and I for making this decision.
I don’t remember what time I woke up on Tuesday, probably because I was partially awake all night. I got all five kids ready for school, but let Mack stay home with us to go pick up Handsome. Noo Noo chose to go to school because she was in charge of a devotional. She was planning on sharing our adoption story as it related to prayer. Rooz also came with us to the lawyers office.
The drive to Salt Lake was torture. On one hand it felt like Christmas, and on another like I was about to take away someones family member. I was so overwhelmed with emotion and could barely speak. The whole thing happened so fast, and was so surreal. It had been only 5 days since I heard of Handsomes existence.
As you can tell from our business ventures, Jon and I move quickly. We make decisions pretty fast and if it feels good, we go for it with everything we can muster and this wouldnt be any different.
When we arrived, we got out of the car and they pulled up along side of us. Their family got out of their car with Handsome. I couldn’t help but stare at him, was this really happening? Was I still dreaming? …no, I was sure I wasn’t. My sweat was down to my elbows again, just like the first night I met him. I was giddy, yet somber. I was excited, yet nervous.
We said our hellos, and walked into the office. The lawyer came out and greeted us, and quickly divided us into different rooms. I didn’t realize we would be signing papers in different rooms, I felt a bit relieved. I don’t think I could watch that. I needed to bond with handsome, and the visual of the whole family crying and heartbroken would be hard to get out of my mind.
As we sat and waited, we looked around the lawyers office. Let me take that back, there were chairs to sit on but I couldn’t hold still. I was pacing back and forth trying to clear my gitters. I glanced around the office and noticed a wall full of pictures. It took a minute for me to realized that ALL FOURTEEN kids on the wall, were in fact the lawyers family.
Some by adoption, and some his children from the start.
Kids from many nationalities and backgrounds that all had one thing in common.
They had a stable family unit now, and they all belonged.
It didn’t matter their color or birth place, all that mattered was that they were loved.
Not many people make me feel like a wimp when it comes to number of children, but this man did. He was so calm and collected, I guess you would have to be in order to head a household that size. That AND have an amazing wife behind the scenes that took care of their every need!
Next thing I know, our lawyer came into the office and showed us where to sign. I didn’t realize it, but it was all done. The mother has signed away her rights already. Such a short amount of time that changed such a large amount of time. With a stroke of a pen, he was now our responsibility. We signed our end of the agreement and shook the mans hand.
It all seemed to easy.
We walked out into the lobby and the lawyer let us know that the transfer of Handsome into our care needed to happen that very instant. It felt so abrupt. I felt kind of awkward, wanting them to have their time to let go. We walked out to the car and my girls started buckling Handsome into our car, to go home with us.
I walked up to the birth mom and Na Na and said,
“I know you are giving me your heart through Handsome, and I am so very grateful and will take care of him forever.”
I started to cry because the power of what was happening was overtaking me.
They asked if they could come to our home to drop off Handsomes things and say goodbye. We were fine with that and we all got into our car. On the way home we stopped at Handsomes Aunts school to say goodbye for one last time, and also stopped to his great aunts to let her cut his hair one last time.
She cut it to “look like daddy”.
When she said it, we didnt even get it for a minute. *Oh ya, he is ours… and Jon is the dad!* Handsome kept running his fingers through his hair because it was spiked up with gel in it and he wasnt used to it. I had to giggle looking at his sweet confused little face.
We drove home quickly because Handsome had had enough of the car seat. He was done, and cried a bit the last time we put him in the car. When we got to our house, he jumped out and was fine. We filled the front room with all of his toys! Bug must have thought it was Christmas! We chatted a while and said our goodbyes.
Handsome was totally fine until they gave him a kiss and he watched them walk out the door, then he cried.
we all cried
I actually cried longer than Handsome. He was soon distracted by the swing set outside and went on his way. Kids are so resilient. I guess that’s why we are told to be as a child,
forgiving, loving, and without resentment.
I pray to be like Handsome.
He was already changed our lives in so many ways, spreading love wherever he goes. His smile is contagious, and his big brown eyes so deep you could get lost in them. He laughs easily and even covers his mouth if giggles really hard. He tries to put up a fight sometimes when it is time to go to bed, but the second I put in *his* music, his eyes glaze over and he says, “oooooo” quite close to on pitch with the singer.
Before Jewel makes it past the fifth song, he is always asleep.
Me on the other hand, I spend all night checking on him whenever he makes a peep. I want him comfortable and happy. It brakes my heart the times he has woken up scared, wondering where he is. He has been in our home for one week now and he is comfortable enough now that when we wakes up, he just looks at me and grins as he falls back asleep.
He has my heart, and yes Jon may have reason to be jealous. I have fallen in love with my son. Good luck dating, little Mr. Handsome with six sisters checking out your crushes and a “ma ma” that watches your back.
She will have to be one special chick to get past Pink Moss.
This is such a wonderful display of God's love, greatness, and faithfulness! What an amazing story.
Oh, my! I've missed so much! Congrats! Going to read the rest of your story!
Amazing! I have seen your blog off and on through MckMama Forum and peeked in from time to time, knowing you are LDS (me too! I'm a BYU student right now =] ) But since you adopted Handsome, I have been following regularly! Your story is amazing and I get goosebumps every time I read another "installment" of your journey to Handsome! Congrats on the new addition to your family! He truly is handsome!
I have really enjoyed your story. I have 5 biological children and 3 adopted and each one of them has an amazing story of their own. One is an open adoption, so I can understand your feeling at the moment of separation. You feel so overjoyed with the new addition to your family but your heart aches for the Birth family. Many blessings to you all and I look forward to checking in again.
I'm a hot mess right now. That had me bawling.
That is so sweet!!! I just stalked your blog and read all of these posts and…WOW!! You are all so blessed…what a lucky little man, to have you all in his life now!!