The birth grandma and mom sent me this song last night….
I can’t help but cry everytime I hear it.
It is so emotional for me.
I admit to feeling some guilt for how much I know they miss their Handsome.
He was theirs first and they gave their heart to me through him. I love them for this and will be ever grateful. They have been an answer to our prayers.
Handsome has been having a hard time sleeping. He laughs and plays all day but at night I can tell his subconcious is trying to process what has happened and it breaks my heart.
I want him happy and worried that If I ran in every time he moved, I would make it worse because he wasn’t even really awake, I could just see that he was adjusting in his slumber.
Last night he fell asleep in the car, so I put him into bed. He had a hard time sleeping the first two nights and it tore my heart out. I lay in my bed and watched his monitor until my eyes were scratchy and dry. Every twitch or grunt woke me from a very deep sleep. It’s like having a newborn, an intuition comes with it and you hear every movement made.
A bond starts to form.
Once I saw his little legs sliding off the bed. I ran down the hall in time to scoop him up before he fell.
I ran down that hall at least 8 times that night.
He woke up only once last night and I ran to his side and wrapped his favorite blankie around his little body and started to rock. Back and forth, back and forth..
The old familiar baby movement that just comes with mommies.
It is in our genetics, we can’t help it.
When I felt his body grow heavy and his breathing slow, I tip toed back to my room carrying him with me. I had some advice from friends on an online forum to sleep with him and so I did.
I executed some sort of matrix move backwards into my bed as not to wake him, suddenly grateful for all the core muscle training I have been doing at bootcamp 🙂 All those sore muscles, they were now worth something to me as a mother.
He laid on me for a long while and we passed into another world, both exhausted.
I loved it, he loved it
so my hubby will have to love it.
He will be in bed with us at least until he is fully comfortable with his new home. Jon loves him and teared up when I explain how he cried when the kids got of the car for school the other day.
He doesn’t like to see people come and go, neither does Jon.
He was adopted also.
Handsome looks so much like him, he fits like a glove.
So we are all where we belong.
Thank you birth mom and Grandma for giving this child to me.
I will tell my baby that he was loved before by someone to delivered him from God’s arms to your arms to mine.
I will tell him you prayed and knew he was supposed to be here.
I will kiss him once for you *or more*
when he falls, or makes mistakes
and that he’s not alone.
He will get both his mother’s love.
As I know you read these words on my blog, thank you from the bottom of my heart.