Pink Moss is running around chasing Mr. Handsome.

He is fast

Lightening fast!

Sothisis what my “boy mom” friends always spoke of. 

Boundless energy vs. Hormonal changes

Now I get to experience both!

On FRIDAY I posted this.

I decided to fast all day Friday in hopes of clarity and help in making a very serious decision so fast.  Jon and I prayed in the morning and went on our separate ways.  I had huge lists on both sides of the equation.  

I couldn’t share what I was writing of for many reasons.

1. Nobody knew I even had the opportunity to adopt because it happened so fast, and I didn’t want family to find out on my blog.

2. We found out there was another family that had first option to adopt Handsome, so we didn’t want to get our hopes up.

3. Possibly the biggest reason, I wasn’t positive yet that I was ready to jump in head first into this new adventure without a confirmation that it was right.  Funny how when I look back, it seems so simple but I was in shock and trying to visualize how it would all work.

My list went like this:

Cons:

I am back to baby stages after I just put away the high chair, diapers, and car seats.

Would my kids be jealous and feel like I wanted them less?

Would this add extra stress that Jon and I couldn’t add to our plate right now witheverythingin businessgoingon?

Would I have to deal with lawyers?  After going through a step daughter and the legal aspect, a niece and being her legal guardian and that legal aspect..and on and on…was it in me?

I wanted to make sure this was a joint venture for us, not that I just want a boy so we will get one.

Pros:

I get to raise a son, and

The chain of events that brought us to this place.

************************************************************************

As you can see there were less on the Pro side, but the draw there was still more.

Friday night Jon came home feeling more comfortable with the idea, and I was more stressed out.  It’s hard to make this big of decision this fast.  My head wasreeling..and it only got worse when Jon said, 

“Let’s call the birth Grandma and let her know we are interested. Let’s just find out what she says and if it is even a viable option.”

I got the chills and groaned at the same time.

What were we doing? We have our hands full…quite full.  Between business and 6 kids we are already running fast.  We both love it this way andactuallythrive on a lot to do, but were we being smart?

I picked up the phone and dialed….

“Hello..?”

“Hi, I got your number from and friend that said you wereinterestedin placing a son for adoption.”

“Yes?”

“Could you tell me more?”

She went into details ofHandsome’sbirth mother, her daughter.  With love and emotion she explained her situation that led her to this day.  She was very supportive of her daughter and patient with letting her choose what she felt was best for her son.  I won’t share all of the detailspublicly, but know that they both felt like it was the best thing for littleMr. Handsome.  The mother was young and tried with all of her might to make it work on her own.  That is a lot for any 15 year old.  

It is very apparent that Handsome has been loved and taken care of.  

I felt myself smile bigger and bigger as I thought of this little sweet boy.  Could this REALLY happen?  Was I dreaming?  Was I being selfish taking this opportunity away from another family that couldn’t have children? 

And then she said it…

“We have already asked someone else if they want the baby.  He has been playing with their kids and getting to know them.”

My heart fell.

“OK” I said and held my breath.

She went on to ask who we were and where we heard about them.  I explained the connection and told her that we had a public blog if she wanted to read more about our family and see pictures, then she asked,

 “Can we come over to meet you on Sunday night if the first family changes their mind?”

I agreed, but knew this was opening up to be heart broken.