Iam speechless and have so much to say, but can’t.
My life never seems to just be on cruise control, there is always something big going on. I guess that is how I like it, but sometimes it takes my breath away. I actually can’t even tell you what I am going through…not even family knows.
I will discuss my situation by next week sometime.
I guess I just have to vent somewhere and my blog has become a way to decompress and think things through. If I think too much about it, it actually brings me to tears and is so emotional for me. How can I write a blog post today and not share how I am feeling?
Maybe I should learn how.
Nothing bad is happening, in fact it is very good either way it goes so don’t worry for sickness or loss. I am sure I will have to share those types of things on my blog at some point
(if it is OK for it to be public information. A lot of the really hard things in life aren’t).
I have a decision in front of me.
A very big decision.
One that would change my life and the life of our family forever… If you know me personally, please don’t call and ask what I am talking about because I won’t answer you anyway and I don’t want to find ways to tell you that nicely 🙂
Isn’t it odd how we have choices…options on life changing things. It would be nice to have a crystal ball and to know what your choice should be, but it isn’t that way. We have free agency and without it, we would go crazy. Heavenly Father wants us to weigh things out in our mind and make a decision. I will be fasting today…and tomorrow…and possibly the next until I have an answer to my prayer. This is a no messin’ around kind of thing. I am normally so “fly by the seat of my pants” and I overestimate my ability to take on anything and everything, but I have learned over years of experience to be a little more cautious.
I know I am building this up for you and you have no idea what I am talking about. Humor me and let me vent. I have been writing lists in my mind on both sides of the equation. You know the kind, where you put positive and negative down. Don’t you hate it when there are 10 hard things…or reasons you wouldn’t do something, and less reasons you would, but those can somehow balance it out?
So I am on hold, trying to functions like everything is normal,
But it’s not.
It reminds me of the poem *The Road Not Taken* by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
PS: I posted an amazing letter on my other blog Project: In My Daughter’s Eyes. Thanks for sending it in Nicole! It is beautiful.