Really? I have posted 500 times?! I can’t believe it AT ALL.
I have had a ton of fun sharing random glimpses of my life. Some are serious and others are grotesque *such is the life of a mother* and THAT my friends leads me to post number 501!
Today was another rat race in the saga of Pink Moss. After school I fed them a snack and started homework just in time to realize Sprite had a soccer game in Salem to get to. We picked up her soccer buddy and drove out … way out…. to the game. It was a miracle I made it because I am horrible with addresses and didn’t have my mobile navigator thingy.
Suddenly I had a light bulb! An APP! There has to be an app for this sort of thing!! I whipped out my iphone and typed in the address and guess what?! It worked, in a round about sort of way. It didn’t talk to me like I would have liked, but it did give me a visual. I just love it when the lady on my navigator says “Recalculating” so calmly and unaffected by my ignorance when I take a wrong turn. It is much nicer than 6 back seat drivers yelling,
“MOM! When are we going to get there!!”
I would much rather hear
ANYWAY, when we arrived B ran onto the field ready to play her game. Then the words came. The infamous 3 year old words. You know them, “Mama, I gotta go!!”
“What? Now??” *Yes of course yes* and of course there wasn’t a bathroom for miles and I couldn’t leave my kids or the game. What do they expect parents to do with several young kids during a soccer game when they “gotta go?”
I fully agree, they must expect us to use the facilities or in other words, the grass. Now after having so many girls, I don’t agree with the theory of “Penis envy” as some theories would have us accept. I believe a girl can do anything a guy can do, and possibly better. There is no such thing as, “Hold it until we can find a bathroom” in our home. So I drug bug across the grass until I got to the side of the school. I could have pulled it down right then and there but I knew there would be some soccer mommies that would be disgusted so we waited.
I could tell that bug was struggling holding it, so when we got there I yanked down her pants and put her into the squat position. I even got it on my phone because I thought it was so funny.
Next thing I hear after I stopped laughing was
“Mama, I had’da go poo not pee”.
Now what? I shook her off as to not have any cling ons without toilet paper, stood her up and set her aside. Sure enough…a mighty fine pile lay beneath her tucked nicely into the green grass. This would make for a fine treat tomorrow when a kindergartner ran in from recess with something on their foot.
I scrambled to find a rock so I could fling it over, out of the path and covered it with grass.
I didn’t plan on telling the other soccer mommies until B lost the game. I was so sad for her *especially being goalie* that I told the other parents that they needn’t worry because I left a turd on the home teams lawn. Nobody talked to me after that, nobody.
That is why I love you, my Internet blog friends. For some reason you accept me for who and what I am, as nasty as that may be. Bless you my friends, bless you.