Whats that you say!? You don’t like lady bugs?!

NO

And here’s why…

Ladybugs used to have the same prestige for me as the Monarch butterfly on the insect scale.  I saw them as beautiful, touchable, and somehow magical.  I believed if I blew one, I could make a wish and if I could keep one for a while without it flying away I was promised a lucky day.  

Why is it that if a bug with a brilliantly colored outer shell lands on us, we let it crawl all over our arm, but if a spectacular adorned spider is in our hair we, shriek a blood curdling scream instead of sigh….”Awe! A Spider, how cute!” like we do with the lady bug. 

I plan on changing your mind today.  I am on a mission to proclaim the true face of a ladybug.  I was reading about ladybugs with Brighton one day and in my studies, realized ladybugs are nast!  Did you know that when they multiply they are like ants!  They can over run your home in the thousands?  I read one report of a lady that said they were in her daughters room and she filled a gallon bag with them in one day! Did you know that there are yellow ladybugs that actually stink and BITE?  Yes, indeed.  Luckily I haven’t seen any in our yard because they aren’t even good for the garden. Some would argue that this is why red ladybugs are good but worms are also good for the garden but I don’t let them crawl on my shirt!

Here are some facts I dug up on the Ladybug:

• Because Ladybugs eat lots of aphids and other pest insects, many gardeners and farmers use them for pest control instead of chemicals.*Which is their ONLY redeeming quality*

• A Ladybug can lay up to 1000 eggs in its lifetime.*gulp, double gulp..NOTHINGshouldhave that much offspring!*

• Not all Ladybugs have spots.*SEE they are tricky, liars, and not trustworthy*

• Ladybugs will clean themselves after a meal.*Really?  I don’t even do that!  They think, and any bug that thinks is sick!*

• Ladybugs come in many colors like pink, yellow, white, orange and black.*At least they have style, but many horrific people have covered their true selves with spectacular style! See though it people!*

• Over 300 types of Ladybugs live in North America.*They are bound to overtake us at this rate, I declare WAR!*

• Ladybugs make a chemical that smells and tastes bad so predators won’t eat them.*Maybe I could learn a few tricks in this area for when I need to be left alone at the end of a long mommy day! Hmm, I think I may already smell bad, and I am pretty sure I would taste bad too!  So, let mommy be in time out children!*

• Ladybugs hibernate in large groups in cold weather.*Hibernate in large groups..I couldn’t sit all winter with all my friends in a close proximity and have nothing to say!  I submit they are dysfunctional..nomads of the worst lying smelly kind*

• Many countries consider a ladybug to be a sign of good luck.*Not after they read my post!*

• Ladybugs are actually beetles, so sometimes are called Lady Beetles.*Lady beetles? Come on, quit trying to sugar coat it.  THEY ARE BEETLES PEOPLE!*

• The bright colors of Ladybugs warn birds that they don’t taste good.*Maybe this is why I wear bright colors…or my face turns red when I am livid…*

• The spots on a Ladybug fade as they get older.*I guess we all go through body image issues as we age..and so should the strong spirited, conniving MAN BUG, YES, MAN BUG.  There is nothing about this beetle that screams Lady.  It’s a man bug with good style*

  Now for the visuals that are bound put you on my same track of thinking…

  EGG STAGE

  (ok, visual #1…retched little black ichity sickos that come in the thousands!)

  

LARVAE STAGE

(Visual #2..Seriously! These little alligators are legend to bring good luck? I would consider it good luck if I never saw one!)

PUPA STAGE

(Visual #3. Anything with the word “pupa” is destined to have issues.  I think it will be my new name for people that *bug* me.  “LEAVE ME ALONE YOU STINKY SCUMBAG PUPA!”)

ADULT STAGE

(Visual #4, Really?  Is this supposed to be a cute picture?  Look closely at it’s face, armored soldier like crusty outer shell.  Not to be confused with a red m&m.  He looks like he is ready to storm the castle gate and confiscate prisoners!  The sound in my mind of their voice goes…*in a deep man voice* “Whooo HAHH, Whooo HAHH” kind of like Victor Krum and his team on Harry Potter)

Needless to say, you won’t be catching me with these little man buggers crawling on my skin this summer or decorating my daughters room with them. 

 I will stick with my dog Phylis 

and our bunnies Floppy, Suki, and Theo.