Yesterday was Noo’s 12 year old birthday!  I can’t believe it.  She has been such a sweet heart and joy in my life.  She reminds me of myself in many ways and in others we are very different.  One thing that I notice is her intense concentration of other people, their mannerisms and idiosyncrasies.  She is sensitive to how others feel and wants everyone to “just get along”.  I am the same way, and believe me this can be an annoying thing when nobody always gets along! 

 I couldn’t help but beg her to write a letter to her older selfbecause she is the exact age of the target of the letters on my project.  It was interesting to capture her view from this same age.  Since I have been collecting the letters on the other site I haven’t shared any with my girls yet, other than my own.  I wanted to share them at the right time so they would be receptive and not fight it.  

Yesterday on Whitney’s birthday I read her one letter.  It was Ashley’s.  I had Whitney read it out loud to me and I could hear it affect her.  It was in her voice, and the faces she made at me during certain sentences.  Thank you for helping me out Ashley, and all the others that participate.  I knew that Ashley’s would resonate with my Whitney.  Happy birthday Whitney!  I love you forever and always!!

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This school year is coming to a screeching halt.  All the girls have year end parties with treats to be brought, summer birthday parties to celebrate by the end of the year, performances of all types, and loads of fun that keep me running.  Ever running.  I remember loving this time of year when I was young, the school almost felt magical like Christmas morning, filled with wonder and anticipation.  

We have had another fantastic year filled with lots of learning, books read, and progress made.  Together with my girls we have experienced crushes, heart ache, “friends”, and extreme feelings that only come with first time “love”.  I feel like I am going through it with them, but from and older girls perspective.  Wouldn’t it be easier if I could just hand all of these trials to them in the form of a book and hope they gleam some wisdom from the pages?  It would be much easier, but not the same.  Never the same as having to endure it yourself, so I watch.  I admire the strength and courage of my little ones.  I see myself in them. 

Sometimes I feel like yelling, “THIS Is for the BIRDS!”

 I understand when they beg to stay in bed that day because of what loomed ahead.  I get it when they are tired or want to give up on math.  I ache for them when through teared up eyes, they tell me

 “Mom, you just don’t get it!”  

Sometimes I want to save them. 

 I want to carry them away from the pains of life. 

And then, I remember that it is a necessary part of the growth.  I wouldn’t be who I am today if my parents hid me from sadness or my fears.  I wouldn’t be as strong if Heavenly Father let life be too easy.  

Jesus Christ is the master teacher and if he has to go through pain, pain of the worst imaginable to be perfected, so must I and so must my children.  There is nothing that has taught me as much about the true love of Christ than having my own little family. 

 You see for the first time I really get it.  I get that when I pray, I will always be listened to but I may not get the answer I want – when and how I want it. 

As a parent I hold a bigger picture of my children’s paths, just as Heavenly Father holds of us.  Who am I to second guess or curse God for the path that is mine?  I am only really a child in the bigger picture that is here on earth to grow.  

There is a certain peace that comes with surrendering. 

 Surrendering to HIS will is the only true way to happiness.  He knows us better than we do and has the whole picture in view; where we were before birth, who we are, and where we are going. 

 Anytime I fight against what I feel to be right, I make life harder for myself.  It is easy to see this with our toddlers, we say, “Don’t touch the stove, you will be burnt.” and it seems so simple to us.  The toddler might not feel the same and decide to make their own choice.  

Our life is about choices, we have our free agency.  It is ours to decide.  I pray that I will always have the faith and patience to choose the things that will bring happiness.

“Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men.  Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.”

Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 31:20