I didn’t plan on writing today because it is a very special day.
A weekend to stop in my tracks and reflect on where I have been, where I am, and where I am going. I haven’t always felt this way about church and especially General Conference,
but as I progress in life I become more humble and realize how badly
I need the extra help and encouragement.
I came into this life thinking I could do it all, probably starting when I was 2 like my own kids! As time goes on I’ve been bumped and bruised. Flowing through life like a river, around bends, over boulders, without control, feeling the force of the current the
carries me too fast through this thing called life.
Just like anyone, I have the free agency to choose what I do and how I feel. Sometimes I make good decisions and sometimes bad ones, with the best intentions. It’s funny how most sin stems from wanting to do something good but gets confused somehow.
We are all just trying to do our best to be happy. I believe we are supposed to be happy. We were put here on this earth to laugh, love, and learn. I guess the “learn” part is the real kicker. I am so grateful for the lessons I have learned that have changed and refined me. Unfortunately being changed hurts. It tears at our very core, builds character and shapes us into who we are. When these things happen, we have the option to let it rip us apart from the inside out leaving us broken and miserable or allow them build and strengthen us. I think I go through a phase of being broken and miserable and then let myself be strengthened after I have been sufficiently unhappy for probably too long 🙂
If I am weak, it would be in the area of feeling like I can do it ALL and that I don’t need help.
I guess they call it pride, even though I don’t mean to be prideful. I do it because I feel like,
“I got myself into this mess and I can get myself out.” So many times I wait as long as I can before I rely on the atonement that is there for me, for the whole world..to buoy us up and carry us when we are weak. Why do I fight it?
I remember vividly the times in my life I have realized this and humbled myself enough to pray and fast for the guidance I knew I needed. It was almost always during painful times, the times I thought I couldn’t make it any longer. The times I didn’t want to make it any longer.
The minute I asked, Heavenly Fathers hand was there…holding mine, directing and comforting. If we but only ask, he is there. I pray today and tomorrow as
I watch General Conference that I will be open and hear what is being said.
Feel what is meant for me, and do what I am moved to do.
I am so excited and grateful today to grab all my kiddos close, snuggle in blankets and hear the words of a living prophet. Of course there will be snacks and activities to keep them entertained and I *may*miss parts, but it is always worth it. It brings a feeling of unity and love into our home. A feeling that we are a team and can do this thing called life together.