I want to tell you to slow down. I want to beg you to stop growing and stay my baby girl, forever. I want to be the only one to hold you when you’re sad and be the first one you run to for kisses when you’re hurt. I want to snuggle in bed and read with you until I’m too old to do it anymore. I don’t want to stop playing barbies with you or coloring at night to pass the time. And I never want to stop laughing at your silly jokes or ooooo and ahhh over your latest work of art.
It may seem at times that I’m too busy to fully appreciate these things, and that could be true. I’m chasing many children and trying to remember schedules. My mind is full of good things, and I’m sure this can feel like I don’t always notice you. This couldn’t be further than the truth – as everything I do, is because of you. I set goals to show you that women can continue to grow and share their voice, even when they have children of their own. I take the time to go out with your Dad, because we are fighting to thrive, as a team, in a world that tears relationships apart. Sometimes I talk to the older kids more than you, because they are experiencing a time in their lives that is so intense and scary.
I wish I had all the answers and I could balance everything perfectly, but I’ve learned that life is about creating harmony. Everyday will sound different and we will do our best to make it harmonize the way it should – but sometimes it will sound a little off-key. These are the sharps and flats in our lives, that build our character and transform a simple tune into a wonderful masterpiece, a beautiful combination of notes that will be our family song.
Halle, my beautiful little dancer, I love you. I know that you’ll have to grow up and experience this crazy world. I understand that your smile and light in your eyes won’t always be just for your Daddy and I. I’m so excited for the life you’ll live and the babies you’ll get to bring into your own little family. They will be perfect, just like you. You’ll listen to their stories and you’ll pray with them at night. And sometimes you’ll feel like you’re not enough and like you can’t balance it all perfectly either – and that’s okay. That means you care and it means you are trying to figure it all out and create your own song and dance.
Remember you’re enough. You are perfect just the way you are now – and you’ll be perfect as a Mother. Parents are only older kids who are trying to figure it out for the first time. Never lose your beautiful smile, contagious laugh and bright blue eyes. These are the windows to your soul – and when you share them with others, you’re giving them the most valuable gift on this earth.
I love you, my little dancing queen.
You’re my light and my life.
photo credit: Lizzy Jean Photography